Frances Folsom married the president. Nice!
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A lot of people don’t realize this because they’re busy looking at their phones, but there’s a whole world going on around them. It might be frightening to click the lock button, put the phone in your pocket and raise your field of vision to objects farther away than your arm, but we can help.
Here are some simple life hacks to assist you in navigating this fascinating new world.
1. When you get to the end of the escalator, start walking.
An escalator is a staircase that moves so you don’t have to walk. When it comes to an end it’s up to you to take over.
It may be hard to know when the escalator is ending – even if there’s a repeating voice that says, “The escalator is now ending” – if you’re playing Candy Crush. That’s a common mistake and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Hear a great song about people who look at their phones instead of watching where they’re walking.You might not realize this, but you’re not the only person who’s out of the house today. There’s a world going on around you. There may even be people right behind you! If you don’t start walking it’s gonna cause trouble. The people behind you will continue moving forward resulting in them inevitably touching you. Eww.
2. Stairs work best when everyone is moving at relatively the same speed.
It’s no secret that stairs are more dangerous than elevators and air travel. So keep that in mind when you’re using them, especially if there are other people around you.
When you are approaching a part of the floor that is about 20 cm higher or lower every time you take a step forward, then you’ll know you’re about to use some stairs.
If there are some stairs ahead, click the button on your phone that makes it go dark, lower it away from your field of vision and continue walking. Right away you’ll notice how much easier stairs are when you’re looking at them. Check it out! There’s a world going on around you.
3. If you put your phone on vibrate mode, people won’t hate you as much.
You know how when you get a text message it makes that “yoo-hoo” whistling sound? I’m sure you think it’s cute, but everyone around you hates that. There’s a world going on around you. A recent study (that I just made up) found that 100% of all the people around you don’t want to hear that whistle every few seconds.
Pro tip: You can find out if there are other people around you by looking up from your phone and moving your head from side to side.
4. People in your general vicinity are also worthy of your comments.
Social media is a great way to find all the people who are trying to destroy you by wearing the same shoes, but did you know that scenery, streets and buildings are also full of fascinating things to see?
Back in the old days, people used to talk shit about things that were happening near them. These commentworthy things were so close, in fact, that they could be seen IRL and AFK. IKR?
Believe it or not, this old trick still works! There’s a world going on around you. You don’t need Facebook to make you angry, because you’re probably surrounded by idiots already!
In that same respect, some people around you might be wearing nice clothes that you like. You can actually say to them with your mouth, “I like that sweater.” This is actually where the “like” button originated. People used to talk to each other and tell each other the things they liked.
5. If you look out the window it can help you locate places.
Try this cool life hack: next time you’re in a car, bus or taxi, put your phone away and observe what’s outside. It’s almost like there’s a world going on around you!
If you pay attention to where places and landmarks are, you can remember them and find your way in the future without ever opening Google Maps.
6. Your phone has tons of free space on it, you just don’t know it.
Remember when you couldn’t update your phone to iOS 7 (or iOS 8, 9 or 10) because you didn’t have enough free space available? That’s because you took 200 photos from section 322 at the Young Jeezy concert. Then the next day you took 30 pictures at brunch. This cycle repeated itself pretty much every time you left the house with your friends.
You can increase the amount of free space simply and easily by erasing all those “memories.” See, that word actually means that you remember something. You don’t need 40 shaky photos of your breakfast to remember it. There will be more breakfast tomorrow.
Here’s a little-known trivia fact: before everyone had a camera in their pocket, people used to take only a few pictures each month.
When I was your age, we never knew what people were doing if we weren’t with them. We didn’t care how nice their meals were or what their knees looked like on the beach. We were much happier than you are. Maybe you should put your phone away and notice that there’s a world going on around you.
Please don’t share this article on social media. Put your phone away and get back to work.