Tom Husman

When Tom Husman was interviewed in 1999, he was working with his father in Toledo, Ohio, painting walls and houses. His introduction in the magazine went something like this:

Several times a year, he puts his painting work on hold to accompany independent rock bands on tours in Europe and occasionally in the United States. In that capacity, he serves as a merchandise salesman for these groups.

At 6’0″ and 250 lbs, Tom is almost always laughing and/or helping other people do the same. When he visits Europe on tours, the fans are often just as thrilled to see him again as they are to see their favorite bands. He is one of those people who has the keen ability to invent phrases which become a part of his friends’ everyday lives. A few favorites are, “Oh, you wouldn’t know anything about that,” and, “Whoops! Did I say that?” At age 30, he is already calling people “son” and his ingenious sense of humor always promises something new each time you see him.

Tom was interviewed via e-mail in 1999. Because of the electronic interview, we unfortunately don’t have the benefit of a back-and-forth conversation with a lot of use of the “[laughter]” indicator. Nonetheless, there should be plenty of laughter here.

20110727-070613.jpg

What is your earliest childhood memory?

My mother zipping my lil’ Tommy into my zipper. August 12, 1972. Yeah, it really hurt.

Tell me about your relationship with Volkswagen.

One of the most timeless and well-thought-out vehicles to ever drive on God’s green earth. Too bad it’s so hard to get that hippy stink out of them.

What do you like most about hippies?

Their sweet tasting hippie chicks.

What do you hate most about hippies?

Their patcholie-soaked, sissy dancin’, hippy boyfriends.

How many times have you sent flowers to girls?

Three times.

Mac or PC?

Mac.

Who is Tom Husman?

The guy you want to see sleeping naked in your mom’s bed, when you get up in the morning.

Who are his enemies?

No one except for the punks who play punk rock early in the morning. For some reason this only happens in Europe. They must not think that alarm clocks are D.I.Y.

Who is Tom Husman’s arch nemesis?

Buzzy Jackson, the grade school bully.

Tell me about foreigners.

“Juke box hero” is like my favorite song. I think Lou Gramm wrote it about me.

If you were a professional wrestler, what would your gimmick be?

Nude robot dancing.

Who was your favorite 19th century American president?

Is this a trick question?

Five DOs and DON’Ts of being Tom Husman.
DO eat three meals a day.
DON’T eat them before noon.
DO masturbate as often as needed.
DON’T do it into your mouth, use a sock.
DO burp loudly.
DON’T blow the smell at me… Was that curry?
DO light your farts on fire.
DON’T Singe yourself.
DO drink free beer.
DON’T forget to grab some for the long van ride.

Companion interview in K Composite No.7, pages 148-149