HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN ANYTHING COOL OUT OF A CEREAL BOX?
Cool out of a cereal box… [12 seconds] Does a… No, Cracker Jack is not cereal, unless you put milk on it.
MOST PEOPLE DON’T DO THAT.
[laughter] Anything cool out of a cereal box? Yeah, well, I don’t think it’s cool anymore. I can’t tell you what kind of cereal it is, I don’t remember, but those really cool “make your quarter disappear” magic tricks… I got one of those.
IF YOU WERE INVOLVED IN THE MAKING OF A SUMMER BLOCKBUSTER FILM, WOULD YOU PREFER TO BE THE STAR, THE DIRECTOR, OR THE WRITER?
Oh boy. I’ve never thought about… well… [eight seconds] I’m going to go with the candy bar answer and say that I’d probably want to be the star. I don’t know. The star is a lot to… Yeah. Star. Because I’ve always wanted to be in the movies, ever since I saw [laughs] the performance of “BJ and the Bear.” The Bear. The Monkey. I’ve always wanted to be in the movies. It was actually a TV show, so I’ve always wanted to be on prime time. [laughter]
HOW OFTEN DO YOU WASH YOUR HANDS?
Well, when I’m combating my huge allergy to poison ivy, such as I am now… I’ve done it though. I wash my hands probably five times a day
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ARRESTED?
[laughs] I’ve never been arrested. I have been handcuffed when I was 14. [laughter] I got handcuffed for being on federal property… Actually it was “federal” property, because at the time it was the Pan Am Games and the ping-pong championships were being held at this place in Carmel, Indiana.
A friend of mine and I snuck out, wearing all black, of course. We crossed a field and all of a sudden a K9 trooper came out from behind a tree and asked us what we were doing, blah, blah, blah. They handcuffed us.
I think they were just trying to scare us more than anything. But they put us in a holding cell and I had to call my mom, and augh… but, [laughs] it wasn’t anything foreign to my family because my brother had visited the cell – the clinker – quite a few times. [laughter] So, just being held up for a curfew violation was not a top priority.
DO YOU THINK EVEL KNEIVEL HAS EVER CRIED AT A MOVIE?
[laughter] Um, I’d go with… Evel Kneivel, gosh. What movies would he have cried at? Probably no. No. I don’t think so.
HE’S A PRETTY TOUGH DUDE.
He’s a tough individual. Is he from here?
I thought he was from here. Where is he from? I thought he was from Kentucky.
I DON’T KNOW. PROBABLY ARIZONA OR SOMETHING. CALIFORNIA? SOMEWHERE AROUND THE SNAKE RIVER CANYON. DO YOU HAVE ANY PRE-SCHEDULED RITUALS THAT YOU LIKE TO DO EVERY WEEK?
Every week? A weekly ritual? Yeah, I like to watch TV once or twice a week. What do I like to do weekly? [eight seconds] I like to take my dog to the park, which I don’t get to do every week, but I’d like to.
WHAT’S YOUR DOG’S NAME?
My dog’s name is, um… Smoky. [laughter] I voted for Fatty and Shithead.
AS A STEVE MARTIN FAN, I CAN REALLY APPRECIATE SHITHEAD.
Companion interview appears in K Composite 8, Pages 177-179