Favorite Atari game: “King Kong… I mean, Donkey Kong. I was thinking of what’s my favorite movie, which is Peter Jackson’s King Kong.”
[laughter] OH. IS IT? WOW, YOU’RE JUMPING AHEAD TO LIKE QUESTION #30. IS IT REALLY?
Noooo. [laughter] I love bad movies. So whenever that’s on, I can’t stop watching it.
OKAY, SO I KNOW YOU DON’T WEAR THE GLASSES WITH RED FRAMES ANYMORE, BUT I HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THEM.
DO YOU FEEL LIKE THEY WERE INTIMIDATING TO PEOPLE?
[surprised laugh] Uhh… no?
NO? I MEAN, WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY WEARING RED GLASSES? WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?
[perplexed by the question] Um? I wanted to wear red glasses and they were Michael Kors, soo… they were extra special.
[impersonating Michael Kors' greeting from Project Runway] “HEY, GUYS.”
“Hey, guys.” [laughter... then using a much deeper voice to impersonate Michael Kors' mother...] “Miiichael…” [laughter]
[in a deep, manly voice...] “HEY, SON.” [laughter] SO, DID YOU PLAN YOUR OUTFITS TO MATCH YOUR GLASSES?
It would be coinkidinky, like I had my red Lacoste shirt.
HOW DO YOU THINK IT MAKES YOUR SISTER [MINDY] FEEL THAT YOU’RE THE FAVORITE AND THAT YOU’RE SO SUCCESSFUL?
I think that’s partly why she’s going crazy. I mean, I really am the favorite.
YEAH. DO YOU FEEL BAD FOR HER?
[reluctantly] Yeah. I do.
HAVE THEY [MINDY AND HER FIANCÉ BEN] MOVED INTO THEIR NEW HOUSE YET?
[laughing a lot] Yeah! Yeah!
WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY?
Because you’ve asked me that multiple times and they’ve been there for like a year!
[laughing] HA! I GUESS IT’S A DIFFERENT HOUSE THAN THAT CRACKHOUSE I SAW PICTURES OF?
THAT’S WHY I GUESS I’M SO SURPRISED THAT THEY’VE MOVED INTO THE HOUSE.
Yeah, I don’t know what they’re doing.
THIS IS A QUESTION FROM LISH [ALICIA CAVENDER]… HOW DID YOU GET THIS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL HOUSE?
[laughs] We got really lucky… bitch! [laughter] No, we had a really good Realtor that we got through Hört [Chris Reinstatler, K Composite #9]. It was a husband-and-wife team and the wife was like…
IS IT “THE LEVEIN TEAM”?
No, it’s the May Team. But we had looked at tons of houses before this one, and she called me at work at 2:00 and was like, “This house just went up five minutes ago. Do you wanna come see it right after work?” And it was the first one that [Joel] and I were both like, “This is it.” And it was drastically underpriced. We did a full offer.
WHEN YOU BUY A HOUSE, YOU HAVE TO BE IN LOVE WITH IT, RIGHT?
Yes. It’s like a feeling, I mean, obviously… I don’t think you were here when we first bought it, to have seen the dramatic changes… But it’s more of like a… You don’t want to settle. You don’t want to have one that he loves and I’m like, “Ehh…” or that I love and he’s like that.
YEAH. WHY ARE YOU SLEEPY ALL THE TIME?
[excited] I don’t know! Why am I hungry all the time?
THAT WAS MY NEXT QUESTION!
[laughter] I am always tired. I’m always hungry. I’m always bored.
What’s the other one? We have another one?
OH, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT A DRINK?
Yeah. ANd that goes back to the “bored” thing.
I FEEL YOUR PAIN, BUDDY. I FEEL YOUR PAIN. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO FALL ASLEEP SOBER?
Yeah, I have been the past couple nights.
OH GOOD. HOW’D THAT WORK OUT?
Uh, it was okay because I’m on pain meds, so that makes it like…
OFF THE RECORD, WHY ARE YOU ON PAIN MEDS?
[laughs] I had my other foot surgery done a week and a half ago.
SERIOUSLY, OFF THE RECORD, BUT WHAT’S GOING ON WITH YOUR FOOT?
Don’t you remember I had foot surgery right after you left?
MAYBE? LIKE 2009?
No! In October . I had it in October.
OH! AFTER I LEFT LAST TIME.
I was hoping that you wouldn’t leave because I was going be home from work and I was gonna be bored.
OH RIGHT. I DO RECALL THAT. YEAH.
Then you booked your ticket for like a month earlier.
YEAH, I WAS LIKE, “LATER! SORRY I CAN’T ENTERTAIN YOU. HERE’S THE REMOTE! LATER!” [laughter] OKAY, LET’S GO BACK ON THE RECORD NOW. TELL ME ABOUT YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH ON [CONVICTED MURDERER] SCOTT PETERSON.
Oh, man! I mean, have you seen him? [laughing...] He’s dreamy! [laughter] No, but what I was gonna say what was my obsession with the Laci Peterson trial, now is the Casey Anthony trial. [laughter] It’s so good!
ARE YOU AS COOL AS YOU’D LIKE TO BE?
WHAT WOULD MAKE YOU COOLER?
If I was skinnier, had better clothes, knew how to style my hair… Maybe tone down the bitchiness.
[laughs] I THINK YOU HAVE GOOD CLOTHES.
…or had hobbies maybe?
I don’t have any hobbies. You know, to meet people and be “cool.”
WHAT KIND OF HOBBIES WOULD YOU LIKE? MODEL RAILROADING? IS THAT PRETTY COOL?
Joel makes fun of me that I don’t have any hobbies, and I’m like, “What would I do?”
Photos by Lindsay Cameron